Lessons

It’s always easier to see what you learn and why something happened after you’ve passed through it. Sometimes it’s years before you know the reasons why. As I look back on the last couple of years, there are some things I’ve learned and as time passes I’m sure I will come to realize the full extent of how these trials blessed my life. 

1. I learned the importance of family. 

Living apart for a year, I realized I had taken for granted the help that Dennis provided. Being a single mom is tough. Granted I still had the support from him on weekends and over the phone, but the day to day happenings and decisions were all mine. Sometimes I needed him there physically to offer his help.  Families need each other.  We need the support, correction, love, and gentle push sometimes.

2.  I learned I can do more than I thought I could.

I was put in situations where I had to make a decision on my own.  I learned to trust my instincts and to act.  I was able to leave behind things in the US that were important to me and realize that I can push past the barriers in my head.  I could be brave, daring, and honest.  Honest with myself about how I felt and honest with others about why I felt a specific way.  That’s when barriers can be broken down and you can rise above something.

3.  I learned the importance of prayer and listening to the spirit.

Many times during this move, I have questioned our decision.  I would be lying if I said I’ve always known this is what we should do and I didn’t have any doubts.  Every time a change happened, I wondered if that changed the trajectory of our plans as well.  

I had to pray constantly for a confirmation that this was still what I needed to do.  There were times I wanted a different or easier answer.  Dennis talked me through many breakdowns and helped me see the light at the end of the tunnel.

4.  I learned to rely on others.

Since we were apart as a family, I needed the help of our extended family to care for the kids.  They helped in so many ways including caring for them as I made random trips to arrange items.  It really takes a tribe to raise a family.  Neighbors provided transportation, meals and housing for Dennis during this time as well.  Even after we arrived in India, our friends have called to make sure we are okay.  I’m grateful for their interest and advice.

5.  I learned it’s okay to put yourself first sometimes.

It’s easy to put everyone else first, especially for a mom.  We sacrifice everything to help our kids succeed.  I also wanted this move to be successful so I dedicated many hours to make sure that things were arranged, making phone calls, mailing items, and attending appointments.

I had to take a step back and realize I couldn’t lose myself in the process.  If I lost myself, it would also affect others.  I set aside time everyday to read my scriptures and exercise.  These two things made the biggest impact on my overall well-being.  I also spent spare time doing puzzles, listening to podcasts, and visiting with family.

6.  I learned to set goals.

We had goals as a family and Dennis now had work goals.  With the extra time we had from homeschooling and the lockdowns, we focused on the new Children and Youth Program.  We met weekly to go over the kids’ goals.  We paired an adult with a youth to share and discuss goals.  The adults also began setting goals.  Here were some of mine:

Visit the 7 wonders 

Pyramids at Gisa, Egypt

X.  Colosseum, Italy 

Taj Mahal, India

X. Great Wall, China

Chichenitza, Mexico

Christ the redeemer rio 

Machu picchu peru

Refinish my cedar chest

X.  Complete a Spartan trifecta 

X.  Listen to the conference talks two times

Keep my teaching verification valid

Take a girls trip with my mom and sisters

Attend BYU women’s conference 

Take ballroom dance lessons

Visit New York (statue of liberty)

Take a painting class

Memorize the YW theme

X. Complete one new piece of art per year 

Here is the mandala art I did in January for my art goal. Emma needed a board to display her goals. The white papers are actually my goals as we displayed this for a district activity. 

         

7.  I learned to put others wants before my own.

Deep down, I knew we were supposed to move to India but if I’m honest, it’s not what I wanted to hear.  I wanted to live in a quiet town drinking lemonade under the eaves of my front porch.  I wanted to see my kids participate in sports and graduate high school.  I wanted the freedom to visit my family whenever I wanted to.  I wanted to plant a garden and can the harvest.  I wanted to take a run in the cool crisp morning air.  I wanted myself and my kids to have friends and to go do something with them. I wanted the freedom to run to the store if I just needed a minute to myself.  

After some persuasion and advice of others, I realized it’s not about me.  People face circumstances everyday that aren’t what they wanted or expected.  Yet these trials are what make us stronger, better, more righteous.  Things I need to learn.

8.  I learned to trust and believe.

I’m not much of a believer.  I like the safe route.  I love stability.  I don’t like the unexpected.  Dennis is the opposite.  He has always wanted adventure, change, and the unknown.  He tried to convince me for years to open our own store, move to Nicaragua, build a dome home, buy a banana plantation in Puerto Rico, and start a dive shop.  

While I don’t mind being our own boss, I didn’t want to move away from my family and the things I’m used to.  I had to learn that Dennis could succeed at his goals and to show that by supporting him full heartedly.  I could make my dreams mesh with his.  We all need someone on our team. The best team is a couple with goals that are the same.